Sunday, December 28, 2008

MJ's Wang-a-doodle

So the hot topic at work this evening was a question that I think goes right up there with "Does Beyonce poop?"  I had the question "Do you think Michael Jackson is hung?"  I mean he is technically black after all.  Most everyone said no.  Rachel and Han brought up the fact that his voice is incredibly high.  I added that could mean there were part or all of the genitals removed at some time.  Maybe he basically just has a beer bong attached where his junk should be.  The answer came from the professional black man James himself.  He said no emphatically without missing a beat.  He thinks that he is a product of his endowment so to say and that contributes to him being totally crazy and messed up.  After resident black man answered the question we were all able to have a sigh of relief since we had definitely found our answer.

I Was Wrong!

So Rachel had to correct me about a previous post.  We had said that BUTTHOLES and grandmas are one in the same!  Silly me!  Rachel claims that I say the word grandma exactly the way I say butthole.  I'm not sure on this one I just like using the words butthole and grandma in the same sentence.  

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Boyz Suck!

Boys suck and this is the song that is hitting my heart strings of late, Katy Perry's "Thinking of You":

The video got deleted because youtube is a crabby old lady.

Grandmas and Assholes

Well I wanted to do a post that Rachel wanted me to do which was about grandmas and assholes.  They are one and the same right??  Well this picture took everything I had from me.  If you liked it than you shoulda put a ring on it...

I'll Hire a Hit

So I really hate this person.  Her name is Miley Cyrus.  I offer $10.57 to anyone that wants to take her out for me.  I would any day trade her to die on a plane rather than the subliminal Patsy Cline.  I love Patsy...but let's not forgot about how horrible Miley fuckin' Cyrus is.  I HATE her!  I hope her phone snatch pics come out soon.  What a redneck.  What a talent-less whore.  Ugh!

This one goes to that lady!

Okay, so Nicole doesn't think there is enough of her on this blog yet.  Well here ya go you turd!  Look at that picture of you while you are possibly the drunkest you have ever been.  I hope you don't plan on running for public office one day.  Take your ass to rehab please!

Beyonce's Shit Machine

No I'm not giving a review of the new Beyonce album (which I secretly or not so secretly love and piss myself about), but rather I have a question which I proposed to Rachel...Do you think Beyonce poops? this question could go right up there with the meaning of life and how the hell Bea Arthur is still alive.  Rachel thinks Beyonce has a machine that poops for her.  I'm not sure how this would happen, but I am sure that Beyonce thinks herself so amazing that she would have her next album just be the sounds of the colonic machine sucking the shit right outta her!  And I will listen to it on repeat for a month.  Oh BB!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Airbrushed Aaliyah

So I just decided that the only thing I really wanted for Christmas is an airbrushed Aaliyah shirt.  I loved that song bird.  I would like it to say R.I.P. on the back.  Can you wash airbrushed shirts??

Beyonce Caught Farting@!@!(*@(&$#!

Okay, this didn't actually happen (at least to my knowledge), but I would love if it did.  The thing is, I really like Beyonce overall.  I love her music, her performances, all of it!  She is an amazingly talented performer.  The thing is is that Beyonce knows she is.  She takes herself so seriously!!  I just wish once she would get recorded letting one rip and maybe fall again like she did that time.  You know she was pissed when that falling concert footage made the rounds.  If you haven't already, take a look at Beyonce's new video "Diva".  This backs all this post up.

WTF fringe sun glasses??  Please!  Looks like something Mama Tina made in her damn sewing room that Beyonce lets her have.  Oh and btw, Rachel and I really want to make our own version of "Single Ladies".  Lindsay thus far is refusing, but I think one or two buttery nipples later she will be shaking that Jewish ass around like she is getting dollars shoved down her undies.

Taylor Swift is Poopy

So I really dislike Taylor Swift.  Not as much as I dislike Miley Cyrus, but dislike all the same.  I'm not sure Rachel dislikes her quite as much as I do.  I think she just pretends to hate her because Lindsay loves her.  I think Lindsay wishes she was a lesbian just so she could make out with that horse face.  My dislike of Taylor Swift brought me upon this great thread over at ( I like that someone thought she was ugly like I do and felt the need to be vindicated. I don't need to be justified. She's ugly...I know ugly when I see it.

Michael in Dubai-land

So Rachel and I were talking today how we would really like it if our restaurant could open a location in Dubai.  I mean Dubai is the place to be right?  I mean Michael Jackson is there spending the last days of his life supposedly.  That got us on a conversation about Mr. Jackson.  I was saying that if he dies early than I feel like all the bad stuff (child molestation charges/craziness) will all be forgotten.  Rachel disagreed.  This conversation about MJ and Dubai also got us on a great idea to make our own line of bedazzled denim burkas.  They would sell like hot cakes.  Bitches would be lining up to pick that shit up.  I also thought it would be cutting edge to make a slot in the burka to insert a phone.  We would put bluetooth out of business.